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Being a parent is...

9/23/2015

4 Comments

 
so much more complicated than I could have ever imagined.  Hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done is be a parent.  Harder than adulting even.

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Yes, the Google even has teenager knowledge.
As those of you who regularly follow me (thank you, thank you) know, my boys are pretty damned important to me.  They are my greatest joys, but can also bring my deepest sorrows.  Especially when they are in pain & there is nothing I can do to help.

This is where I am now; feeling helpless, useless, unworthy of the title "mom". 
Both of my boys are having health issues; not overly serious, but enough to affect all of our daily lives/routines.  To say that is has been challenging or difficult would be an understatement.  But we're doing everything we can to get as close to "normal" as possible.

I love my children more than everything, but this time in our lives has been the hardest & most trying thing I have ever experienced.  I try not to complain or dwell too much on things that are beyond our control.  I try to make them laugh at least a million times a day & I try with every fiber of my being to make sure that they know that I've got their backs.  

So often lately I've found myself crying as I message my innermost circle; the girls I share EVERYTHING with (even stuff I don't like to tell myself).  I extremely dislike feeling helpless when it comes to my boys, I think every parent does.  It makes me stress more than I normally do.


Oh & did I mention that we had a phone conference with a college rep over the weekend?  Yup, the Squab has actually been communicating with colleges for the better part of the last year, but this is the first time he's been interested enough in a school to schedule something that involves the 'rents (aka the male & female parental units).  

Scary stuff folks.  My babies are growing up too fast.  My first baby is looking toward the future & my babiest baby is taller than me.  And I can't control any of it.  Not even in the slightest.  It freaks me out regularly.

But I think I wouldn't necessarily change too much of it.  Of course I'd give them better health if I could, but I'm not sure that I'd change much more than that.  

Parenting is a hard job.  But so far, it is also the most rewarding one I've found so far (trust me, I've cleaned toilets, fitted bras & tried to collect debts; I've done a lot).

Anyway, that's where things stand here.  Dealing with the adulting & the parenting & not necessarily having the time, energy or desire to do much else, but still making the effort.  I'm scared as hell to let them go, but excited as all get out to see who they become.

Until sometime after now m'dears....
Aloha hugs,
-Clare 
4 Comments
Marigold Fairweather
9/23/2015 04:41:51 pm

Aloha, Clare! I think you're right about parenting... and I so far, haven't found it gets any easier to release them into the wild, then watch them getting on... through challenges & heartbreaks. In some ways, I'd find it easier for myself, if it were me taking the pain for them, but then, I wouldn't deny them the joys & the bright spots, which illuminate the dark bits, so I just have to watch and wait... until they come back for a hug... when it all seems so worthwhile...

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StuffedwithAloha
9/23/2015 04:56:22 pm

*Hugs* Thank you for understanding. I sometimes feel like it is all in my overly active imagination, so it's nice to know that there are others who understand. I'm trying to let them experience both the good & the bad, but it's hard to not protect them from everything.

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Mokihana link
9/24/2015 11:02:29 pm

Youʻre right, Clare, parenting is the hardest job ever. I think youʻre doing an amazing job with your boys. Iʻm so sorry that theyʻre having health issues, and am grateful that they have you, just the mom they need.

Letting go is so hard!! We give them wings and then cry when they use them. We teach them independence, and cry when they practice it, too. We never know ahead of time what path theyʻll choose, where theyʻll go, how far, how long. We just have to trust that the wings weʻve given them theyʻll use to fly back home once in awhile. Big hugs, my sista.

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StuffedwithAloha
9/25/2015 08:52:25 am

Mahalo sista. I'm gladly accepting all the support & encouragement I can get these days. Things will even out eventually, it's the waiting that kills.

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    Aloha my name is Clare! My main job title is Mom, but I'm also an artist, crafter, avid experimental cook & occasional rabid baker. I live in Idaho with my husband & two sons (the "we" or "us" part of this website), but was raised in Hawaii. Feel free to explore our pages as we grow & change.  Mahalo! (Thank you)


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