It's October & I'm Sad
It's been about a week since my last post. I've not arted. I've not created. I've not done anything (really) to refresh my soul. I suck right now.
Being a parent is...
so much more complicated than I could have ever imagined. Hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done is be a parent. Harder than adulting even.
This week has been a rough one. I won't lie, I've been considering crawling back into bed & not coming out until Christmas, not even for cawfee.
But I haven't, I've pushed forward & made myself get up to do the things & love the peoples. It is what I do.
There have been so many of my people giving me love & encouragement this week (for that you all get extra bubble privileges when I take over the universe), which I greatly appreciate. But sometimes, no matter what people say or do for you, it just isn't quite enough to snap you out of whatever funk you're in. No matter how badly you want it to.
That has been me this week. Feeling helpless as my boys suffered with migraines, the viciously evil "not a cold, not the flu, not an infection, but the early stages of a virus that won't respond to antibiotics", high school & just being a teenager in general, has rendered me blubbery. I don't normally sleep well to begin with, despite trying everything I can think of/is suggested, but add the worrying about my babies & call me exhausted beyond belief. This has added to the general yuck of the other stuff.
As I said, I've been getting up & doing the things anyway. (No, I haven't been able to nap at all. Curse you grownupdom!) I've also been taking time each day to do something just for me (aside from using the bathroom without someone texting or yelling at me through the door).
Most of the time this includes logging into Pandora on my PC in the CoW & singing along with/bopping to whatever pops onto my current station (which is actually on shuffle because why pick on particular type of music when you can listen to all of them?). Obviously, because I've shared quite a few of the songs (which I searched on YouTube because some people don't Pandora & I wouldn't know how to link that anyway) you know I like all sorts of music.
Doing this relaxes me. It helps me center myself & for the most part, helps me focus. It also makes me happy. Even the sad songs.
Anyway, this morning was particularly stressful because the Chicken was feeling as miserable as I've seen him in a long time (this is one tough kid, so if he's that bad, I'm scared), so I decided it would be a good time to start with the peeling of my new bar of Lavender Chamomile soap. Those two things are supposed to help ease tension & bring stillness or something.
As I unwrapped the soap & inhaled the comforting scent (while also in inadvertently cutting myself on the veggie peeler blades) I recognized the beginning of a familiar song. One that I hear on a semi-regular basis on my Pandora shuffle, which I do not mind in the least. In fact, I've heard that song at least once a day all week long.
But today, as I was trying to decompress while simultaneously trying to not peel my fingers again, I finally got it. At last I understood what my peoples & the universe have been trying to tell me all week. I will still be stressed & tired, but I will be able to relax a bit more because of it.
You got me guys, message received.
Dude, knock it off already!
Have you ever wanted to say those words to someone? Anyone? I know I have. Quite often. Want to know the most common reason why I feel this way?
Spirographing at midnight...
Memory Loss Monday
Forget Throwback Thursday & Flashback Friday, it's Memory Loss Monday! No seriously, what was I doing?
I know I'm not the only person in the world who suffers from memory loss. Certainly not the first & definitely not the last. But I am the only me to suffer from it, so as you can imagine it is more than a bit disconcerting to me when I can't remember what it is I've been/am doing. Even more so when it happens in the middle of a sentence, in the middle of a conversation, in the middle of a group of other people!
Yes, it's not just writing blog posts that are afflicted by the dreaded "thought train" derailment. I find more & more as I get older, that I either go totally blank mid.... You get the idea.
I honestly, completely forgot where I was going with this, again. Not that you're surprised right? I mean, I seldom have a clue & usually when I do, I forget what it was before I have a chance to prove it.
So once again, I leave you with a post that doesn't even make sense to me. But I'm publishing it, because let's face it, I don't have anything better to post. Not even this absolutely perfect YouTube video I found on Pinterest that any of my fellow 'Supernatural' fans will love as much as I do.
Because I can.
Aloha until next time m'luvs,
Chew on this....
98.375% of the time I have no idea what I am saying. Honestly, I'll start writing a sentence or having a conversation & by the time I get maybe 1/3 of the way into whatever it is I'm trying to say, I've forgotten what it was I was trying to say. Been that way for as long as I can remember, although I have actually become increasingly annoyed with it the more my age advances (because you know 40 is the new 300).
Does this ever happen to any of you? Seriously, I occasionally get concerned because I feel like people who don't really know me (& even some of those who do) might think I don't care about the conversation.
I don't think it's attention deficit, so much as it's a case of a steam engine on solar powered tracks. Well, in my case it's be a bubble headed engine on electric tracks. You know what I mean. (Actually if you do, welcome aboard! Sit back, relax & enjoy the scenery, because I can promise you'll never see anything like it on any other railroad.)
Anyway, when I started writing this post THREE DAYS AGO, it was about something completely different. (Don't ask what, because half way through the second paragraph I forgot what it was & even rereading what I'd written didn't help.) I've rewritten it several times & finally decided to write about the fact that I really don't know what I'm writing about. Works doesn't it?
Well, now you know one of my not so well kept secrets (as I'm sure anyone reading any of my blog posts could have discerned quite easily that I'm off not just my rocker, but everyone else's as well) I hope you will forgive me in the future for riding a pony on the train tracks. Just go with it & you might actually have as much fun as I do.
Man this is rough...
Warning! This post may or may not contain...
waiting for the squab...
It's 12:30 AM & I am still awake. Why (you didn't ask)? Well, because I am "Maum" (pronounced 'Mm-ow-mm') & my Squab is not home from work yet. Damned labor laws & seventeen year olds. (Funny how they can pretty much work 'em like adults, but they still have a midnight curfew.)
It's Almost That time...
Insomnia strikes again!
Well, I'm up at 3 am. Again. Because reasons.
I have been trying to fall asleep since about 10:30 & I might have dozed off for an hour or so. But I'm up now & seeing as how it looks like I won't be falling asleep anytime soon, I figured why not blog.
Aren't you lucky?
Yes, the picture above is of my backyard bench. All alone. Waiting for people to sit on it. For a family photo shoot.
Actually, the bench is on the north side of my yard in this pic. Under my arctic willow bushes (named Talkeetna & Denali after two of my favorite places in Alaska). In the area where the grass does not want to grow because of the shade & slight inversion that causes the water from the sprinklers to pool & flood.
I'd love to keep the bench here. It is a beautiful spot in my opinion & in the summer when it's hot, this area is cooler than the rest of the yard. I can imagine sitting there reading a book or pulling the leaves off willow branches to make wreaths.
The only drawback is that my neighbors' dogs don't like it when I hang out on that side of the yard. They think I'm invading their territory. Silly doggies!
Do me a favor...
More about "ME"
Aloha my name is Clare! My main job title is Mom, but I'm also an artist, crafter, avid experimental cook & occasional rabid baker. I live in Idaho with my husband & two sons (the "we" or "us" part of this website), but was raised in Hawaii. Feel free to explore our pages as we grow & change. Mahalo! (Thank you)
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