Stuffed with Aloha
  • Home
  • Shop
  • Blog
  • Gallery
  • Friends
  • Just for fun

September's Almost Over...

9/27/2016

0 Comments

 
and I'm still here.  It's been a rough few months here & it's been all I can do to not go crazy. I haven't created anything in I don't know how long & truthfully the last two months have been so overwhelmingly challenging that I've basically just been doing what I had to do to get things done.  ​
The 2017 Twitter Art Exhibit (TAE 2017) has opened & yes I have registered. I was really looking forward to it after finishing my piece for 2016, but now all I can think about when trying to plan my piece is crying.  I have absolutely no faith right now that I can come up with anything worth creating.

You see, I've been fighting a bit of depression due to circumstances beyond my control for a few months now. Not being able to create has not helped, although there are many times when I feel that I cannot create because I'm mildly depressed. It's that horrible 'Catch 22' scenario where everything is tied together & breaking the cycle is the hardest part/trickiest thing to figure out.  

So, even though I've been doing the functional things (which I'm only doing because other people depend on me), I'm just not 100% me. I feel like I've lost me & the path to find me is covered in just about every anti-creating obstacle imaginable. And I've been wary about talking to people about this, because 
1) they are all going through their own stuff, 2) I feel like they won't want to come to me for help if they know what I'm going through, 3) I don't feel like I'd have the support I need, not that I know what that is & 4) None of the people I'm closest to deserve to have my whining self-pity issues dumped on them.

Yes, I feel like I'm just being a whiny little brat who doesn't want to eat her vegetables & is throwing a fit. Why you ask? Honestly, I've been accused of overreacting & being overdramatic (by "relatives" who have never really known me) for most of my adult life. I've been judged more harshly by "family" members than acquaintances who hate me & it's made me paranoid. I've been made to feel that if I ask for help, it means I'm a failure. Which sucks, because I'm clearly a failure in their eyes already for not following the paths they thought I should for myself & my boys.

It's a messed up tangle of emotions & psychological crap that whether real or imagined, have got me feeling vulnerable & defeated. And negative, which believe it or don't actually hurts me to be too often. I'm a relatively positive chick by nature, so the negative feelings really do me in when they linger.

Anyway, that's what's me. I'm still here, still trying to take it day by day, moment by moment. I've been spending more time on Twitter, reconnecting with old friends & finding new ones (mostly through following the 'Supernatural' fandom & all of it's incredible affiliates). 

I'm trying to force myself to crawl back to me again. Planning to try creating a few new Mandalas & hopefully create a postcard for TAE 2017 that will appeal enough to someone who'll buy it (as far as I know the last two years' cards never sold).

Hopefully soon I'll be able to find a bit more balance. Hopefully soon I'll be able to create again. Hopefully writing this post will be the start.

Until then my loves, I'll keep trying every day & wishing you love, bubbles & much joy.

Aloha hugs,
-Clare
​
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    More about "ME"

    Aloha my name is Clare! My main job title is Mom, but I'm also an artist, crafter, avid experimental cook & occasional rabid baker. I live in Idaho with my husband & two sons (the "we" or "us" part of this website), but was raised in Hawaii. Feel free to explore our pages as we grow & change.  Mahalo! (Thank you)


    Categories

    All
    Adventures In Tweeting
    Aves (aka Bird) Tales
    Blog Hop
    Contests
    Crafting For A Cause
    Everyday Joy
    Group Participation
    Large Rambles
    Life Events
    Medium Rambles
    New Art
    Pinterest Pinfest
    Quite Possibly Fandomy
    Quoteful Cop Outs
    Rants
    Small Rambles
    The Chicken
    The Google Chronicles
    The Squab
    The Stork
    Whatever


    RSS Feed


    Blogs I love

    • Hands and Harts
    • Cheryl Stevenson
    • Dragonfairy's Stuff and Nonsense
    • Jani Franck
    • Mokihana's Garden
    • Pinky's Much Ado About Nothing
    • Effy Wild
    • Magenta Rose
    • Things Unspoken
    • Unassorted Stories
    • Mistletoeoak
    • Embracing the Whole Heart
    • Fairweather and Friends
    • Michelle Morgan
    • Kana's Chronicles


    Archives

    April 2019
    March 2019
    August 2017
    March 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.